Keep Austin Corporate

JCVD - Eurotrash art film

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 09:45:33 -0600

Last night, I went to the Alamo Drafthouse downtown (greatest theater chain known to man) to see a double feature of Jean Claude VanDamme in BloodSport and JCVD. Included in the pre-movie warm-up was Jean Claude VanDamme playing a queer karate guy in Monaco Forever. Click the link to watch. Do you play sports? Yeesh!

Bloodsport was awesome! The 80's action sequences ... montages ... and horrible acting were so horrible, it was AWESOME! Lots of slow-mo screaming, crazy faces, asian dudes flexing their pecs. All of it was awesome! VanDamme at the apex of his karate movie career.

Then they started JCVD ... where do I begin ... it's an a-typical european art film that focuses on Jean Claude VanDamme. From the trailer, it looked like he was down and out ... lost his wife ... lost his daughter ... broke ... no money ... and forced to rob a bank just to get a little bit of cash. Oh no ... no way man ... that's not what this movie is ... not even close.

Jean Claude doesn't rob a bank. The bank he walks into is being robbed, and they make him the patsy. The make him talk to the cops, and the cops think it's the actions of a desperate man. The whole thing is in French, subtitled in English, and shot with an ungodly amount of filters to make the whole thing look dark and serious. It's so dark, it wouldn't look much different in B&W.

There is this scene in the middle where the chair Jean Claude is sitting in rises up into the stage lights, and he goes on this 8 minute rambling diatribe ... hollywood screwed him ... media doesn't care ... why is he so rich, when others aren't ... and he cries through most of it ... "I'm just not happy ... why do I have to be so successful and rich ... I did drugs ... wah wah WAH ..." It's a mish-mash of the typical liberal whining about how being rich is wrong, the world sucks, life is cruel .... wah wah WAH!!! If I wasn't there with 3 other dudes, I would have walked out right there. I've never walked out of a movie before, but that one was worth it. It only got worse ...

To put it simply, the movie is horrible. It's one of the most horrible things I have had the inhuman displeasure to suffer through. It was worse that watching Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull of suck. I felt like the boys from South Park ... I wanted to run out of the theater crying and throw up on the sidewalk.

When the douchebag from the production company or whatever came back out with his microphone, I boo'd him, gave him the finger with both hands, and left. He did his best to ignore me.

Shep gets after nimrod emailer

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 11:01:09 -0600

GO SHEP!!! GET HIM!!!

Get Philled in

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 21:44:44 -0600

"I'm saving my money for the car that runs on hopes and happiness ... but Phil ... that's not possible ... well it better be possible for GM's sake, or that bitch is going down!"

Now neither of them matter

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 12:36:35 -0600

It's articles like this that are going to make the B. Hussein Obama presidency so entertaining. From the ever so eloquent Iowahawk:

It's also heartening to realize that as president Mr. Obama will soon be working hand-in-hand with a former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard like Senator Robert Byrd to craft the incoherent and destructive programs that will plunge the American economy into a nightmare of full-blown sustained depression. As Vice President-Elect Joe Biden has repeatedly warned, there will be difficult times ahead and the programs will not always be popular, or even sane. But as we look out over the wreckage of bankrupt coal companies, nationalized banks, and hyperinflation, we can always look back with sustained pride on the great National Reconciliation of 2008. Call me an optimist, but I like to think when America's breadlines erupt into riots it will be because of our shared starvation, not the differences in our color.

....

So for now, let's put politics aside and celebrate this historic milestone. In his famous speech at the Lincoln Memorial 45 years ago, Dr. King said "I have a dream that one day my children will live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." Let us now take pride that Tuesday we Americans proved that neither thing matters anymore.

I have tears in my eyes ... It's just too funny ...

WE WILL SURVIVE

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 22:05:46 -0600

We will survive President Elect B. Hussein Obama's Presidency. I am not going to devolve into one of those whiny, spineless weasels that is going to threaten to go away crying to another country. No ... I am going to stay here in my adoptive home country, The Republic of Texas, and fight B. Hussein Obama's every policy. Our only hope now is that the Republicans can hold on to enough seats to keep B. Husein Obama and the other Democrats at bay.

We need a new party. We need a conservative party. Why did John McCain lose? He's not Conservative enough. He wrote the rules on how to campaign, so it's no surprise he won the primary. If Ronald Reagan could see today's Republican party, he would be ashamed to have been a part of it. It's time for a new party. A true conservative party. I'm sick of this "compassionate conservative" bullshit, and there are millions who agree with me. I'm sick of the endless spending, bailouts, handouts, and complete and utter lack of personal responsibility.

I have an idea. More to follow. Stay tuned. Time to focus.

Crabgrab FTW

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 15:37:18 -0600

And that's the moment is was all over for the Longhorns in Lubbock, TX. The Red Raiders achieved not only their first win against a #1 team, but their 500th victory. Texas Tech has taken the #2 spot in the BCS standings, with the Longhorns dropping down from #1 to #4 (#5 on the AP List)! I watched the game in a den of Longhorns, and the tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. All fell silent after the Raiders snatched victory from the jaws of defeat with only a second to spare.

The raiders are hot this year, and are going to continue to dominate! Crabtree is a strong Heisman candidate, with some people talking about McCoy's Heisman aspirations vanishing in Saturday's loss. Only time will tell.

GUNS UP!

Edit: HI-DEF video after the jump.

Call the locksmith!

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 19:33:04 -0600

From Consumerist:

The "locksmith" shows up over an hour later, in an unmarked car, with no uniform. I show him my car and he decides that my 2005 ford focus is VERY hard to break into, and that the labor charge is gonna go up to $125, for a total of $177 after tax. About $19 does not = $125. I'm sure he saw 20 year old female college student and thought $$$$$.

Oh, you have NO idea. It probably would have been cheaper for her at that point to break one of the windows and gain entry that way. It gets better:

When I woke up and won't to work the next morning, I noticed that the door of my car was all bent up. I didn't see it in the dark the night before.

Whoever it was that showed up is probably not a locksmith, but rather a former car thief/burglar. I know this routine. Bend the top of the car door enough to reach in with your hand/tool/whatever and unlatch the door. Works great, if you don't care about bending the door. Some dumbshit goblin did this to my Mazda a couple years ago to steal a $50 car stereo and a Cox Digital Cable receiver (not a DVR.) The stuff he stole was worth about $250 bux, but the damage to the door cost me $1800.

The geniuses at Consumerist recommend a letter to the BBB and/or the State Attorney General. How about the state licensing board? Locksmiths have to be licensed, and my guess is that the lazy ass who warped her door is no locksmith.

I have three letters for you ... AAA .... $51 a year is peanuts in comparison to what she just paid. Considering the discounts you receive just for being a member (30% at lens crafters for instance) it's practically free. Even if I didn't own a car, or had a wife that owns a car, I'd still be a member just for the discounts and other perks.

My wife has been rescued by an AAA wrecker / locksmith service twice. They always show up quick, and are super nice. The last thing they want is someone calling up AAA and complaining. Most towing companies also perform lockout service as well, 24-hours a day, for less than calling out a locksmith.

And if you're on in Texas, just call the 800 number on the back of your license (800-525-5555), and they will find someone to come rescue you. (It's not free, but they will send someone reputable)

You're welcome.

Still undecided? DONT VOTE

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 20:38:24 -0600

I'm not joking. If you still haven't made up your mind on who the best team for the White House is yet, you haven't been paying attention. If you go vote for anyone, you're stealing a vote from someone else who is informed. If you feel you must go vote, vote for someone like Bob Barr, that psychopath Cynthia McKinney of the Green Party, or perpetual candidate Ralph Nader.

I have been paying attention, and I'm sick of hearing about the "undecided voter." I don't understand the undecided voter when the differences between the candidates are so huge.

I voted today, and I feel very good about it.

My BFF GothMartha was on Fox 7 Today

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 14:37:26 -0600

I went to Maker Faire last year, and immediately had two thoughts:

I need to have a booth next year
This show is PERFECT for my BFF GothMartha

When she applied to the Maker Faire, not only was she accepted, but they decided to make her a "feature" exhibitor!

Click the pic below to see the broadcast Fox 7 did about Maker Faire featuring my BFF GothMartha.

H/T: Makezine Blog

Great videos on the great bailout of 2008

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 14:29:47 -0600

I just escaped my Countrywide Sub-Prime mortgage for a fixed-rate mortgage with Wells Fargo at 6.5%. And I don't have a spectacular credit score either. Affecting main-street? Not on my street.

I called every Texas Congresscritter and Representative and told them I would actively campaign against anyone that votes in favor of HR1424. And yes, that includes both Cornyn & Hutchison, who I voted for and gave money to. Not again.

I was ignored, and I won't forget!

Failing the audition at Consumerist.com

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 23:43:23 -0600

I read Consumerist.com, and occasionally post a comment or two on the site. I noticed that my comments were not appearing on the site, so I emailed the moderator to inquire why. The deliciously ironic and hypocritical response is quoted below:

You haven't passed the audition. Frankly, a lot of your comments are a bit hostile, either to the consumer mentioned in the article, or to other comments. This needs to be toned back a lot, and you need to follow our comment code to post.
Example:
"Typical whiny Consumerist a-hole."

That's really rich from a site that has an entire tag for "assholes" and frequently uses profanity in the titles and content of their posts. I would link to all of them, but according to google, the word asshole appears 4,780 times at consumerist.com.

Think that's interesting, check the google hits for the f-bomb. 20,500 hits and a couple tags. Impressive! They even make quite eloquent use of the f-bomb as so eloquently illustrated in this post about a guy who likes to give the finger to people who drive an H2:

It's not really funny. It's not really clever. This isn't consumer activism, it's just consumer cow tipping. Fuck Fuck You And Your H2.

How delightfully civil! They aren't being hostile to that consumer in the slightest, now are they?

It's like the gift that keeps on giving. You can find similar quotes found in other user's comments that don't seem to bother the moderator. This guy wins the award for the most disgusting comment that I could find in regards to B. Hussein Obama and the press. Gross! But he always rips on Republicans, so I guess he's OK.

The Gawker TOS document basically says they can remove my comments at their discretion, which is their right. It's their sandbox, and they have every right to tell me to play in my own. I just find it completely hypocritical that on a site with 20,500 pages where the f-bomb appears, I get banned for commenting that someone was a "Typical whiny Consumerist a-hole."

Sarah who, said what?

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 17:26:33 -0600

Sarah who? I think I've seen this moron before, but I'm not sure where. Here she is "endorsing" B. Hussein Obama with a healthy dose of profanity, racism, and moronic logic: (h/t The Superficial)

Best quote:

Don't use fact. Use threats!

Indeed. When attempting to convince a member of The Greatest Generation ever to vote for B. Hussein Obama, it's best not to use the facts. I totally agree. Trying to use the facts is likely to end in failure against someone with even half a brain. Best to stick to lies, threats, and intimidation. Oh ... and profanity.

Matt Damon speaks about Governor Palin

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 16:32:55 -0600

I heard that Matt Damon was interviewed in Canada recently and he took that as an opportunity to talk about Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. Here's the video:

This resulted in a couple mentions on the Internet tubes and a follow-up interview on Jimmy Kimmel Live:

You saw it here first folks.

Austin area schools close in preparation for Ike

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 23:50:32 -0600

Shamelessly ripped from WetWired.

Austin ISD - All AISD Schools are going to close Early on Friday. The times are listed below:

* Elementary Schools will let out at noon. there will be no after school care for students.

* Middle Schools including Kealing Magnet Students who ride Capital Metro Buses will let out at 2:00 p.m.

* High Schools will dismiss at 2:00 p.m. Ecept LBJ and Liberal Arts & Science Academy which will dismiss at NOON

Round Rock ISD - Schools will be release early on Friday 9/12. Elementary Schools will release at 12:45 p.m. Middle Schools will release at 1:30 pm. High Schools will release at 2:00 pm. Breakfast and lunch will be available for students before dismissal.

Hutto ISD - Elementary Schools release at 12:10 pm. Middle Schools will release at 1:15 pm. High Schools will release at 1:30 pm.

Del Valle ISD - Will close early Friday 9/12. Elementary Schools will dismiss at 1:00 pm and Secondary schools will dismiss at 1:00 pm

Giddings ISD - Will cancel school on Friday 9/12. Classes will resume on Monday 9/15. ACT Testing scheduled for this Saturday has been rescheduled for Saturday, 9/20.

Kingdom Academy I, II, and Kingdom Academy Christin School in Bastrop - will release 1:30 p.m. onf Friday 9/12.

Pflugerville ISD - All PISD campuses will release students two hours early on Friday. High Schools relases at 2:15, Middle Schools relase at 1:35, and Elementary Schools release at 12:50 p.m. All buses will according to this release schedule.

Bastrop ISD - Busses will be running Friday according to early release schedule. Students will be released early on Friday. Pre-K classes in the afternoon will not occur. Elementary will release 11:30 and secondary grades at 12:30.

Manor ISD - will release two hours early on Friday 9/12. Friday’s afternoon pre-K classes are cancelled and all after school events for Friday and the weekend have been canceled.

The Children’s Health and Safety Fair at VFW post 10427, originally scheduled for 9/13/08 has been rescheduled for Saturday 10/04/08

McDade ISD - will be closed on Friday 9/12 due to traffic concerns related to Hurricane Evacuations.

The SAT Test at Burnet H.S. on Saturday has been cancelled and rescheduled for Saturday 9/20.

Smithville ISD - Students will be dismissed two hours early on Friday Sept. 12. Bus will run their normal route, but earlier

Hays ISD - High schools will be released at 12:30 on Friday, middle schools will be released at 1:45 and elementary schools will be released at their regular time at 2:40. Buses will run according to the earlier schedule.

Waelder ISD - All campuses will be closed Friday.

Elgin ISD - Has canceled school on Friday entirely.

Another creative Mac Music Video

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 00:05:40 -0600

Was it the first? I dunno.

Again, Again is still my favorite. Check it out after the jump.